The Last Coffee in Pegasus
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: Everything is in short supply on Atlantis, and something more precious than gold is threatened; Scientists flee in fear as SGA-1 go to save the day...to interesting results!  Scientists are Strange...at least, the ones in Atlantis are.


**_Disclaimer: I do not Own Stargate: Atlantis...I just thought I'd be weird and write this little story to prove once and for all, The Scientists of Atlantis are _**_weird**!**_

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><p><strong>The Last Coffee In Pegasus...<strong>

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Miko backed away in fear, her glasses falling from her face as she bumped against an equally petrified looking Zelenka, her hands shook and the outstretched mug clattered to the floor; thankfully unbroken. "_Just...give it to him and back away...slowly..._," whispered Radek in her ear, pressing closer from pure terror at the beast they faced...

Timidly stretching out the hand still grasping the just-boiled jug full of piping-hot, sloshing liquid...a substance the scientists had come to refer to as 'black gold' here in Atlantis...her arm trembled, fighting the instinctive urge to simply throw the jug and reflexively snatch her hand back to her chest. Where it would be safe...

The only comparison to such a situation would be...petting a rogue, growling lion; the thing they feared most was pacing back and forth, restless after so many nights without sleep...and irritated. Earth had not called for many days, and their ZPMs were at such a low percentage, they dare not try dialing their Home world again...and days of looking for an alternative energy source had drained not only their dwindling resources, but their commanding officer, too.

The frighteningly grumpy man reached out and grabbed the pot, though if it scalded his flesh, he did not say...merely pouring it into a mug and drinking deeply...then turning his feral gaze on the pair; the other scientists had fled earlier, in blatant self-preservation. Withdrawing back into the protective hold of Radek, who had placed a hand on one of her shoulders, and was also gripping her arm in a means of non-verbally communicating his plans of escape...they tensed in unison as the Chief Scientist came closer, bloodshot eyes that screamed for rest were staring at them menacingly.

"_I zink it vould be a good time to run now, yes_?" he whispered in her ear as their greatest fear came closer and closer, she nodded frantically against his chin and began backing away; the pair of them stepped back towards the doorway, feeling for the control crystals in their pad, and blind fumbling revealed what they searched for. A quick swipe of someone's hand, and the doors hissed apart behind them...

~~~~)0(~~~~

Lieutenant-Colonel Sheppard spluttered on the warm Athosian tea Teyla was also partaking of for their lunchtime beverage, as -what appeared to be- a stampede of terrified, wild-eyed Scientists came rushing past; much to the amusement of the older soldiers and Ronan. The Satedan was smirking widely as he gazed down on the new military recruits, all wide-eyed and trying not to act terrified, whispered questions of Wraith attack filtered through their ranks.

Teyla had a small smile on her features as she went to speak with Ronan, John sighed as he placed the cup of strange, tangy green tea down on the traditional tray from which it had been served; he had a sinking feeling this was about the generalised shortage of the one thing he knew a certain Scientist couldn't live without...maybe they should swing by the Infirmary for a sedative, McKay _had_ been up for about a week already...

And frankly, John was starting to become concerned for his mental state-...Doctors Radek Zelenka and Miko Kusinagi chose that exact moment to come tearing past, screaming in fear and flailing their limbs in an extended -though futile- effort at preserving their lives... Ronan fingered his Blaster in instinctive surprise, Teyla's wide eyes turned back to lock onto his own to the backdrop of old-hand Atlanteans reassuring the newbies that this was a regular occurrence and that Scientists, in general, were _strange_...Someone made a crude '_must be mating season joke_'...to the groans of their colleagues.

Zelenka and Miko continued on, not phased in the least by all the attention they were attracting, simply concerned with getting the hell out of the firing range as fast as possible...

Yep, definitely concerned about McKay's mental state now...

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Rounding the corner in a screaming hurry, John slid to a halt, pulling out a Stunner he'd grabbed from the Armoury as a precaution...who knew _what_ they'd encounter? Teyla sucked in a deep breath, steeling herself, then nodded to him; Ronan simply looked grim and clutched at his Blaster more firmly...

He held up three fingers, the other two nodded as he mouthed along to the falling of each digit, "_Three...two...one...Go_!" The automated doors of Atlantis slid open at his mental urging, the three members of Atlantis' premier gate-team bursting in to find out what the heck was up with their remaining member?

Weapons were aimed, muscles trembling with adrenaline, minds focused on potential escape routes-...only to pause... Rodney swiveled around in his chair, one knee crossed over the other, a mug of coffee in one hand and a bemused expression on his face as the fingers of his other hand trailed from the keyboard he'd been frantically typing one-handed on up until their sudden arrival...

John let a _whoosh_ of air, "Rodney!" he cried in exasperation, then elaborating, seeing the confused expression it garnered, "We thought-... when all the Scientists were-...what on Earth was that all about?" Rodney blinked innocently, "Sheppard, I really have NO IDEA what you are babbling on about! What's wrong with the Scientists? I mean, besides the fact they are apparently _all_ on Lunch at the exact same time...leaving _me_ to do all the work, _for the thousandth time!_"

His coming verbal tidal wave that would no doubt drown them all, was held up in his throat as Carson bustled in, "Rodney! There you are, lad!" The Scottish doctor somehow managing to miss the twitch that had occurred under the scientist's right eye at the wording... "You've been avoiding me! What's this I hear about you terrorizing the Scientists? Poor Miko's in tears in the Infirmary, had to be sedated she was so frightened! As much as I care about you, you'd better have a _bloody good explanation_ for it or I'm afraid I'll have to hit you for it!"

Teyla's lips parted in surprise, never had she heard the Doctor speak so long or vehemently about anything other than fishing or the best way to treat a patient... Ronan relaxed his posture, crossing his arms and leaning against a wall...blaster still to hand in any case. John was as speechless as Rodney seemed to be, the astrophysicist gulped and blinked again, "I'm, ah, ...sorry? I really don't know what you're all going on about...really!"

He gestured with both hands, earning a mild slosh of coffee to spray all over the place, thankfully missing the console and himself, but coating the floor. Carson's eyes lit up with understanding, he lurched forwards, "Aha! Rodney, considering how long you've been awake -_which is bloody stupid, if you ask my professional opinion_- you really shouldn't be drinking that!" He reached out for the horrendously yellow mug with it's interesting epitaph "Smartest Man in the Galaxy!" in blindingly gaudy red letters, only for his finger to grasp at where it was...

"Hey! Watch it, this is the last of the coffee stores, I would prefer to finish it in peace...I'm _this close_," he indicated with the fingers of his free hand, "to finding a solution to our energy issues, I'd prefer to make the brilliant solution now, rather than stare at a ceiling and have all manner of calculations and award-winning plans whirring about my mind while you force me to 'rest'...so what if it's been a week and a half? Coffee's good enough sustenance, it's a food group, right?" The logic of the argument was strained even to the Scientist's own ears, and again, Carson made to take the cup; only for his fingertips to ghost over the surface before it was again, moved...

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"Come on, Rodney, give the nice doctor your coffee..." John urged, rather patronisingly; and he acknowledged that he probably _did_ deserve the baleful glare he was being shot by the Chief Scientist. Striding forwards, Ronan silently motioned his suggestion that they let him be the one to remove it from McKay, no matter what the cost...Teyla frantically waved her hands in a negative manner, shaking her head, before placing a hand to her chest in a suggestion of allowing her to try negotiating...

"Rodney...would it not be appropriate to let one or all of us assist you so you may rest sooner?" she asked politely, diplomatically trying to find a solution to their mutual problems, and did not flinch as he went straight into condescending scientist mode. "Help? Who..._you_? _Sheppard_? The guy can't fix his own hair, why should I let him anywhere around something this powerful? _Carson_? Well, actually, he might actually be good for something...no, no he can't help... Or maybe we should try Conan the Barbarian over there? See if he wants to _hit it with a rock_ until it _explodes_...?" The rant was truly in full-swing by now, Rodney was going the slightest shade of pink, though his flailing hands -that punctuated each statement with a vicious non-verbal articulation of his displeasure- never ceasing their grip on the steaming mug...

His eyes, however, were not the sharply-focused orbs he normally wore in such a moment of dispute, the fire dancing behind them was simply not there; in fact, it seemed that the blue orbs were glazed over, bloodshot and unfocused...it amazed her that he was not only coherent, but stringing together a semi-logical argument in this state. In the corners of her eyes, she spies the way John and Ronan flank towards the scientist...Rodney too focused on her for the moment to notice...

John pounced, snatching at the mug; it was held aloft from his efforts by a suddenly-enlightened McKay; Ronan also made a wild grab for the item as Rodney ducked, turned and glared at Teyla, "You tricked me?" there was a note of incredulity in his strained voice. Within her heart there was a momentary flash of guilt and shame, but it quickly passed as she saw how he trembled from exertion in the stranglehold grip of Ronan; John having finally succeeded in scoring the half-full mug.

~~~~)0(~~~~

Staring down into the depths of the mug, Sheppard noted the various rings scoring the inside, this had not been the first or indeed even the fourth or fifth cup McKay had ingested today...vaguely he wondered if there was any blood left in the scientist's caffeine system...then cringed at the bad joke, even in his subconscious...

It was, however, McKay's reaction that drew the most attention; his blue eyes had gone hard, posture rigid through the tiny tremors and his voice was deeper than before, "Give. That. Back..." John felt his eyes go wide and he tentatively -damn his curiosity- pressed the cup to the tips of Rodney's fingers, the effect was immediate...

Straightening, still trembling, Rodney blinked at the surprised faces of those who surrounded him, "What...? Is there something on my face? WHAT?" Experimentally, or perhaps suicidally, John removed the mug a second time, Feral Rodney made a reappearance... "_Give back, the precious_..." He handed the mug back and Normal Pain-in-the-Ass-on-Occasion Rodney returned, baffled at the stares he attracted. "What? Seriously, if you're all secretly zombies who want to eat me...get on with it or hold the urge until I can stabilize our power output..."

Teyla looked to Carson with a frown, that didn't sound like Rodney's kind of joke at all, usually he was rather anti-death in his statements...Ronan still retained a hold of the physicist for now; John continued to scrutinize the scientist before eventually saying, "Rodney, from this point on, you're officially banned from watching the Lord of the Rings Trilogy..."

That provoked a reaction!

"Wha-...? _Since when_, and most importantly, _Why_?" came the petulant whine of a child who _really_ needs a nap, as McKay faced him with wide, shocked eyes; there was a momentary pause as his tired mind fitted another piece to the giant jigsaw of their situation, within his thoughts. "Uh, anyone want to explain why I'm being _hugged to death_ by Chewbacca, here?" There was a generalised shuffling, then Ronan released him.

"Finally! Now if you'll all be so kind as to do something else for say, twenty minutes...?" he tried to evict them from the room with subtlty, but it fell flat as all silently, but firmly, denied his request. "Fine!" he sighed in exasperation and threw his hands in the air, mug splashing the ground about his body with small puddles of coffee...it must be nearly freezing by now, but still he avidly sipped at the bitter black liquid. Finding the cup was empty, he blindly reached out to grasp the nearly-empty jug with some left in it, whilst scrolling through data on his screen, to find nothing there at all...

Teyla was making for the exit as he called out, she turned...too late. Sheppard had stolen it, squarely facing down the frightening face of Feral McKay, noting internally that it really _was_ true what they said about Scientists and their Coffee... He extended the pot to Rodney, who, upon touching it with barely the tips of his fingers, began to smile in confused happiness; he took it away...and Rodney growled.

Just for the sake of it, he toyed with the Scientist for a moment...

Touch the jug, Rodney smiles...

Take the jug away, Rodney growls...

Sheppard amused himself endlessly with a never-ending sequence of confused smiles and deep-throated growls; smile, growl, smile, growl, smile, growl, smile-

"All right, lad, you've had your fun, let 'im be!" admonished Carson, startling John into jumping; Teyla, John and Carson watch with horrified eyes -Ronan more that of nonchalance- as it smashed to the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces of technology in a pool of cold, black coffee...leaving them all with Feral Rodney...oh, they were dead...

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"Now would be a very good time for you to produce that sedative we asked you for!" yelled John, diving behind the thick shield of Ronan and peering out, "Look, buddy, it was an accident! Really!" he tried to placate...Teyla gave a gasp as Carson fumbled loudly with something, and Rodney narrowed his eyes, striding towards where John hid.

Suddenly, he was encased in blue light, eyes rolling back in his head and knees slamming into the floor; before finally slumping down, unconscious after a week and a half of nothing but sleepless nights, caffeine and power bars...

John gaped, as did Teyla; even Ronan seemed surprised as they looked back to the Scottish doctor. "I thought you said you had a sedative?" John stated, with wide, shocked eyes.

"Aye, that I did lad...worked a right treat, didn't it?" he answered with the beaming smile of a child who'd done something right for the first time, as he shoved the Wraith Stunner into it's temporary holster at his side... "C'mon now, let's get Rodney to a nice quiet bed in the Infirmary...and be warned, no matter how he may plead, threaten or bribe you, you are **not **to bring him caffeine of any sort...or I'll kill you myself!"

Ronan picked up the limp body of the Chief Scientist, and the group moved off to the Infirmary...none daring to question the vehemency of the Doctor's statement...

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Many hours later, in the dark of night, eyes peered out of the darkened rooms and corners to which they'd fled earlier...scientists emerged like a group of nocturnal creatures, timid and alert for any form of McKay-related danger...  
>Convinced all was clear, they scurried out and made for the corridors to their quarters...<p>

Rifting the tranquil silence of the night in the city of the Ancients came a loud, reverberating, murderous cry of, "**CARSON**! _**BRING ME COFFEE NOW OR I'LL-**_ !"

The rest of the threat remained unheard by the majority of the Scientists as they scurried back into their chosen hiding places, quivering with fear...

~~~~)0(~~~~

The Military may be full of grunts and hard-headed louts [_as McKay was fond of suggesting to Sheppard on occasion_], but it turned out they were right about one thing...the Scientists of Atlantis really _were _just plain _Strange_...

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><p><strong>The End<strong>

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><p><strong>Thanks for Reading my random story, please take the time to submit a Review, even if it's only one word [Prompt: Awesome]...<strong>

**~*SailorSilvanesti*~**


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